just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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