his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
