70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
