You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
