its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
