the condom got lost in my hair
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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