Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
