We won't sleep together?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
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Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
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I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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