Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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