I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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