True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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