Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
im having a threesome with these popsicles
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
