Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize