He uses pillows to masturbate.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
