Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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