I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
