guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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