omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
