Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
