My liver just broke up with me...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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