It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
porn star boner night. come get it.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
