She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
