No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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