its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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