He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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