I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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