your parents love me but you hate me
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
