Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
