Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
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Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
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Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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