so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
