I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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