I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
