Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
im having a threesome with these popsicles
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
