so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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