Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
