im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
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Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
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I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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