I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Randomize
