is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
