I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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