Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
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He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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