how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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