This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
