So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
