Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
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