dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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