It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
