Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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