You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
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