she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
