oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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