she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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