thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
