I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
