Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
