Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
