atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize