he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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