i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
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She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
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I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.