so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????