Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
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I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
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I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry